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Department of Unverified Objects

Holdings,
unverified

The Department verifies nothing. It receives objects, describes them as carefully as it can, and files the description in place of an explanation. Nine items are currently on the floor.

HANDLING NOTICEBASEMENT

Unverified

Every object, dimension, condition and acquisition note below is fiction written for billionlightyearland. No real artefact, collection, institution or person is described. The coloured plates are drawn in CSS and depict nothing.

UO-014

Doorbell for a Building That Declines Visitors

Rings inward. Staff who press it report the distinct impression of having been let in somewhere they are still standing outside of.

Acquired
Cycle 4, in a coat
Size
6 cm × 6 cm × one intention
State
operable, unwise

DO NOT PRESS

UO-021

Ruler Calibrated to Collapsible Instances

Measures how long an instance has left. Reads the same value for the far wall, for a chorus, and for the whole of open space. The Bureau has chosen to trust it.

Acquired
Cycle 5, from the Registrar's desk
Size
30 cm, allegedly
State
honest

UO-029

Recording of a Room Being Enlarged

The room in the recording gets bigger. The tape does not get longer. The Department has declined to establish which of those facts is the anomaly.

Acquired
Cycle 6, mailed without postage
Size
one spool, 12 min
State
playable twice

UO-033

Chair That Only Supports Waiting

Bears the full weight of anyone who has business here. Gently declines anyone whose business has concluded. Corridor seating has been reduced accordingly.

Acquired
Cycle 6, already in the corridor
Size
standard issue
State
structurally opinionated

UO-040

Envelope Addressed in Our Own Handwriting

Addressed to this building, in the hand of the clerk who received it, who had not yet started work that day and had not yet been hired.

Acquired
Cycle 7, incoming post
Size
C5
State
sealed, and staying that way

SEALED

UO-046

Instrument, Unidentified, Warm

Recovered from the room the floor plan says is a wall. Has remained in tune through four cycles, two relocations, and one attempt to describe it in writing.

Acquired
Cycle 8, Corridor 7 survey
Size
roughly the size of a corridor
State
in tune

UNVERIFIED

UO-052

Complaint That Has Not Been Made Yet

Complete, signed, dated in a cycle we have not reached. Desk 4 keeps it in the answered tray on the grounds that this is the least trouble.

Acquired
Cycle 9, Desk 4
Size
one page, filled in
State
immaculate

UO-058

Photograph of All of Space, Taken From Inside It

Impossible, and yet in focus. The Department's official finding is that the photograph is of everywhere, that everywhere includes the room the photograph is kept in, and that this is as far as the finding goes.

Acquired
Cycle 10, provenance unclear
Size
9 cm × 13 cm
State
sharp

IN FOCUS

UO-063

Key to Sublevel B

Not a key. Issued as a number by Desk 4 to visitors whose grievance concerns Desk 4 itself. The Department maintains it is an object because it keeps turning up in the drawer.

Acquired
Cycle 11, found in a ticket
Size
small
State
warm

SEE DESK 4

Items are not for sale, loan, or inspection in person. The Department has no premises. →Plain-Language Appendix