The Refund Song

Two minutes fifty-eight seconds of unbroken good news about money you will not receive.

It is the most immediately likeable thing the Bureau owns. It is also the only recording that has generated a written complaint from a member of staff about the recording’s tone, and that complaint has itself been filed as a transmission, and that transmission has generated a complaint, and the Bureau has drawn a line under the matter by drawing a line under the matter.

Intake notes

The song ends on a chord that is technically a beginning. Playback equipment described as “otherwise reliable” has been observed starting the song again.

Status is DISPUTED because the Deputy Registrar maintains the piece is not a song but a policy, and should be shelved with the forms.

Handling

Never play at closing time. Never play twice. Never play once, if it can be avoided.